Help for new mothers ... Life does return after childbearing
Any new mother will tell you ... There is just never enough hours in a day, to get everything done. While help may be readily available in the first days of motherhood, when everyone has gone home, your husband has returned to work, and life had returned to normal, it can really mount up on a new mother.
The laundry piles up, the dishes pile up, the bags under your eyes pile up ...
What started out to be the best time of your life, bringing into the world a new member of the family, has now started to weigh on you and bring not only tiredness, but weariness, because your surroundings are quickly becoming out of sorts, and you feel as though you will never catch up on sleep, housework, or life.
At times new mothers hold these feelings inwardly. At times they take them out on their spouse. At times they hold resentment toward their new baby, because the blame goes to them, for making life less than perfect.
Hang in there mom! These days and these feelings quickly pass. Life does return to normal. It will never go back to how it was prior to the new baby, but somehow we find a new schedule that works for everyone, and a new way of getting things done. It just takes a while.
New babies have one mode - survival! They do not understand 'wait a second'. They do not mean to take up all of your time, but they know they are hungry, wet, tired, upset, or need love. Their little cries, are cries for help. In the first few weeks, they are adjusting to life in a new world, and sometimes find this difficult to adjust to. They can seem quite demanding, though this is not their intent. They only know they can do nothing for themselves.
These days pass quite quickly, and soon both mother and baby have a routine, to at least some degree, and both have adjusted to one another and get along very well. Those first few weeks though, it can seem like you get nothing done other than changing diapers and feeding a baby. THIS IS OKAY! Relax and go easy on yourself, and allow this new little baby to adjust at his or her own pace.
Not only is baby needy in the beginning weeks, but your body is in the process of healing. Your body is changing rapidly, going back to a non-pregnant state. Your hormones are in high gear, as are your emotions, and your energy is being used up by these changes, so there is not much left at your disposal. Combine this with an inherant lack of sleep, and you are one worn out puppy.
===> Don't expect too much. Don't push yourself to do more than you are able. Solicit the help of others, be it your spouse, your inlaws, other children in the home ... Don't be afraid to let others help for awhile. You can be a superhero later, but for now, let others help so you can focus on you and the new baby.
===> Eat right, drink at least 8 glasses of water, and continue taking your prenatal vitamins.
Not only are these very important for your new baby, if you are breastfeeding, they are also
very important to you, to give your body the energy it needs for healing and changing. If you lack in these areas, you will greatly lack in energy and vitality.
===> Stay Calm. When babies cry, they are trying to tell us something, without the ability to communicate in the english language. This means whether they are hungry, tired, or just out of sorts, they cry. Some babies cry more than others, but all babies have periods of crying where nothing seems to work. All you can do during these times is relax, stay calm, and try to work through all of the possibilities of what could be troubling them. Once you have worked through everything that could possibly be troubling them, if they are still crying, there is only love to give them. If you stay calm, it will eventually end and peace will come.
===> Get sleep when you can. This may sound crazy, but a little sleep is better than no sleep.
By grabbing what I call cat naps, when your baby sleeps or when daddy is holding him, you will find this greatly helps you through the day. Newborns sleep a lot, but usually for short periods. New mothers tend to try and get everything done during these short moments, instead of using them as a time to rest or take a nap. This is a pitfall you do not want to fall into. Use this time wisely and benefit from the rest it can bring.
===> Enjoy the moment. Gazing into the face of a sleeping new baby can bring a new mother so much joy and contentment. Seeing that first glimmer of a smile, watching them stare at you, kissing their little hand ... All of these things that pass so quickly with time, and we sometimes take them for granted or fail to experience them to their fullest. Enjoy these moments. They can give you joy and energy like nothing else.
===> Take time for you. When someone offers to spell you for a bit, be it daddy, grandma, a sister or a friend, let them. Take some time for you. Maybe a bubble bath, lying in bed with a good book, lying back and watching television for a bit ... anything for some YOU time. We all need it, and new mothers tend to not take it when it is available. If you take some time for just you, you will have more to give to your baby when it is your turn again. I personally have found that on the weekends my husband has allowed me to sleep in one morning, this has gone far in reviving me for the next week, when I was on my own with baby again. Anything to get a little break is not only good, it is needed.
===> Take time for you and your spouse. Taking time when you can, is so important to your relationship and your sense of well being. It may seem hard to find time for the two of you, withut junior waking up and spoiling it, but soon you will find patterns forming and you will be able to spontaneously take advantage of these moments and share time together.
===> Remember I told you so. Soon your new little one will be quite independent, will sleep through the night, and will not mind sitting in a bouncer, swing or high chair and watching mommy 'do her thing' around the house. Sleep will be more routine, and so will your life in general. When this happens, and you have some energy once again, and the dishes are not piled - remember, I told you so.
It will happen, I promise. Even if it seems a world away now.
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